Updated: Jan 10
I am sat here timing my hair colour. It’s 23.09 and has to come off at 23.15 so between this process I am going to write a blog about depression. It’s such an open-ended word isn’t it. Many are perhaps new to how they are feeling, taking into consideration the current topics around us. Okay … so perhaps ‘depression’ is too extreme a word to describe what so many of us are thinking right now or at certain points in the day – perhaps ‘fed up’ or ‘really fed up’ sounds more on trend.
I am 55 years old and have had many obstacles in my life that have at times been violent, abusive, and psychologically cruel. Psychological baiting is a dreadful thing and often directed at the powerless, never direct, and hard to define. The driving force behind cowardice. Hiding behind the masses. Attacking the seemingly vulnerable. On the flip side the powerless are mostly empaths, therefore without the right spiritual protection can be saps for ‘indirect’ spite campaigns.
I began my holistic journey as a child when I always knew that there was something bigger to wrap a blanket around me (like many others I speak with about this.) It begun aged 7, shortly after I lost my nan. I was bullied at school but also, I was a comedian in the classroom. I hid my feelings with jokes and mimicking Michael Crawford from ‘Some Mothers Do Av Em’ or the cast out of the ‘Carry On’ films, realising that laughter was the best defeat for being sensitive.
Married at 20. Divorced at 30. I raised two adorable boys alone with three jobs. Thank God for parents as without them I could not have got to work. However, my relationship with my family was jaded to say the least, as I was a very self-developed free spirit. You tell me to go on way so I wonder what the other path would be like. I am intrigued by adventure and mystery. It is 23.15 time to take a quick shower … hopefully with hair that is not green …
It’s 23.19. I could not save this document for completion on return from the shower but now I have – I hope my hair is not over processed. It's just a semi permanent tint to blend the grey luster into the needy ends. But I love my locks. Some people don't have any ...
Right – okay it is 23.58 and I have had a mini ‘pamper me’ session in the shower with some new toiletries I had delivered today. My hair is all good (thanks to homemade honey conditioner) and I no longer wish to discuss depression at this stage. The water has made me feel invigorated and I am going to have a cup of tea and turn off the internet, maybe for a day maybe more. Self-care and nurturing are one quick step to feeling empowered within our own surroundings. We realise what a mess our bedroom is, so that is my next quest. A clear floor is a clear mind. I do want to talk about wax melts at some stage this week though.
Stay well if you can and less is more. Live like nobody is watching but do not get arrested. No seriously, I do feel so sad for the millions of people who don’t know where their next meal is coming from. If this helps, I have been there. All we could afford was out of date bread from the co-op. I got fat on junk. You would never have known I was struggling because all too often ‘struggle’ is quite wrongly silent – we all have a voice – do not be penetrated by ego – reach out to someone – most people are lovely, and we can make life long ‘real life’ friends at our lowest moments – to know our neighbours. You may be closer than you realise to a hungry person, and you have spare food in your kitchen, you could share it. Love is The Answer. It is 12.05pm (gagging for a cuppa now) so we can unite in our silence and dance with the stars, feel embraced by a blanket and know we are on this journey whether it is right or not. Jazz gets me through most things during my times of self-doubt. I could not imagine a life without music. A life without real substance on my doorstep and in my heart.
Use these times to seek kindness and avoid looking at hate, rejection, or ignorance. It is a case of light and dark and both fuse together intermittently crafting our own sense of worth. You are great, you are beautiful, you have trees and the sky. We are a circle of higher transmission evolving with all that is to be valued in life. And it is during our darkest hours we plant our roots for Spring and her dew drops in the early hours, the soil moist and effervescently prepped for petals and all the colours of the rainbow (ps I love my hair right now.) 12.07am. Tea ... tidy, turn off.
Home. Heart. Hotel.
The print below is Blackpool Central Pier digitally enhanced with love ...
Over the coming weeks I will be introducing you to all things I love in one place. Bringing together Belleva House. Born through chaos an experiential sanctuary of eclectic findings - blending salvaged and the new, where opulence greets affordability with love. I am 'inconsistently' passionate to each unique space. Freedom by design. Believing if you tease a room with stuff you love, hate or are simply intrigued by it will come alive as one bohemian family. I am also available to discuss your own interior projects. Let's talk