I am washing my bedding here at the barn and then I shall deep clean the place ready for the next guests. The couple have offered me free board until Monday – but as a mark of respect I shall leave today and place a vase of flowers on the pine table for them together with a good bottle of wine. I would never be a burden. Sometimes we just need someone to listen and not judge. I am humble.
I had three birthday cards this year. One from my gorgeous little nieces Gracie and Abbie. I miss them dreadfully. I am not seeing them grow up as much as I would like. One from Mum and Dad and another from oldest life friend Adele who came to be by my side when I lost Foley.
I paid for a nice meal out in Blackpool and had some saucepans, plates and a healthy breakfast from a stranger who I hope is now on his own journey. I had a tree of life necklace from Tara and James took me out for a meal. My dad and my son bought me huge and beautiful flowers. My favourite thing. Flowers are life force and flowers are colour.
I am travelling South for a few more days before I return to work. It is my second year now in the hotel trade. I am learning many lessons and I think the most recent is not to be too generous as others will perceive this as my weakness.
I am depleted and at that point where I could slip into a depression. This starts with cutting myself off but I cannot do this. I have been sentenced to a five year lease like it or not and I have served one year. Now it’s my second. It’s been gorgeous but also rancid at times. I am trying to focus on the love and not the fear. Most people have left with grace.
I am thankful for my family, friends and neighbours. But for these next few days I am most thankful to my two little dogs who make life more bearable.
I am up for an award later in the year. It’s the taking part that counts. Some people out there would be banging on and on about such a thing. But an award is a moment not a lifestyle. I have better plans for a certain day in November where I hope for a much longer term event to do with my own heart and the love of my life.
I do not need any more baggage in my life. Dealing with strangers who pay the way is all I want for now. I have everything else. I just need some time alone. But I suppose all this is better than being stuck in a daily routine of nothing much. At least my days are full of choice and variety. Be kind to one another. But not so generous you get your energy taken.