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frustration and …. cont


I feel very frustrated with myself. I do not know how anyone can sit and write a whole book at once. I find myself distracted by so many things. I need an alter ego to write alongside myself – another me – two of us at once. A dual existence … sigh. Daydreaming. I am not very good at ‘days off’ in pensive mode. I always feel so guilty I am not addressing emails, queries, accounting for expenses for the new project … and … worrying in general.

I suppose we all need to learn to switch off and enjoy quality moments without guilt. To not fear our own private thoughts. We all need space. (She says, despite admitting to jealousy issues … sorry … lol).

This time last year, I was wandering, writing … I thought I knew my head and heart. This year, nothing could be more different. I am living in a place I never thought possible. I am living a life that has a routine and I am responsible for strangers. It is is surreal. A dream – a nightmare – a passion – a challenge – a myth – fantasy – reality. Everything … there is happiness, fear and never knowing. I do worry. But I am thankful to be alive and in love. Distant or near. It’s in the heart – the eyes – the soul – infinite twisted through a heart. Like a left rib.

Plus I stood sideways in the mirror tonight and I look pregnant. I can assure you I am not (well not in an earthly sense) maybe some universal being is using me as a portal for someone else? It’s not a fat podge but like I have a real maternity bump … It could be a phantom pregnancy? I do admit though, I have been eating weird food and this is not a conscious decision. I hate waste. I hate greedy people who put more food on their plates than they know they are going to eat. So I become like a intermediary between their waste and the bin. Also I drink beer now and again. This is not because I am more social. Quite the opposite. I sneak into my bar in the night and grab a bottle just for the sheer fun factor and thrill of being able to do that. What has my life become?

On the upside I have sourced some amazing art. A night of worrying. Worrying about just about everything. Help! Or maybe all of above is anxiety that is induced by bathing in Mongolian rock salt. This procedure not only detoxes the body but also the mind. Perhaps I am in the midst of a ninth dimensional energetical shift. Yes. I prefer this concept.

Tiff. X

ps I tend to blog most when avoiding a chapter. I am a coward – lazy at times.

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Useful links:

Blackpool Heritage Tram Tours

Premier Taxis (100% electric cars)

Viva Blackpool

Blackpool Zoo

Funny Girls

Hogarths Gin Bar

The Eating Inn (South Shore) 

The Stone Grill (15 minute drive or tram)

The Royal Carlton Hotel

(late drinks around the corner with sea view)

Dirty Blondes (bar and pizza)

Winter Gardens ( theatre, great afternoon tea)

St John's Church (set in beautiful square in town)

Michael Wans Mandarin (family run)

Blackpool Comedy Club 

Amazing Graze

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Belleva House is a boutique villa hotel located on St Chads Road Blackpool. 7 individually designed, elegant 'double' bedrooms - ideal for that peaceful, romantic getaway to a quirky, nostalgic seaside town. Each bedroom has a private bathroom or en-suite shower room. Your chosen room comes with a hamper of treats to enjoy during your stay - along with hot drinks, water, mints, fresh towels, eco toiletries, bath robes and most rooms have a mini fridge. Plus super fast inclusive WIFI, flat screen smart TV, movie channels and Alexa! Three of our luxurious bathrooms also have (bathroom friendly) wall mounted flat screen smart TV. There is a communal chill out lounge with free tea and coffee, magazines and books plus art and crafts for sale and a 'hot pot' of the day. All bookings are inclusive of a Mediterranean style breakfast.